There's someone living in my house. Been living there for years. He gets a lot of mail. More mail than I get, and I'm jealous. I have yet to meet him, but I'm determined to find him. He owes me a lot of back rent. He gets half a dozen pieces of mail a day, so I'm sure he's lurking somewhere in the shadows. OCCUPANT is his name. Always in capital letters, too, so he must be big. Must be a popular fella, too ... lots of people want to sell him something.
My neighbors have a similar problem. From what they all tell me, their OCCUPANT lives in their trash can. At least that's where they always leave his mail. He must be the blandest person who never existed. All the fella does is occupy space. But he sure does get mail. I think those people mailing to him are wasting a lot of money. I have never seen this OCCUPANT ever walk out of my house, get in whatever he drives, and motor on over to their stores.
I'm kind of ticked. I own this house. Why don't those store owners want to reach me. They don't need to know my name, but they could describe me better. How about the pizza place addressing their mail to "Person with Pepperoni On The Brain" or "Cheese Pizza Lover At ..." Now that's something that I'm sure is addressed to me ... or my wife ... or my kids. Or how about that laundry addressing me as "Grime-Fighter" or "Wrinkle-Free Person". OCCUPANT could care less about his clothes, but I want to be Wrinkle-Free. If the health club addressed me as "Soon to be Healthier Person" they'd get me to think positively about their place before I even read the rest of their message.
If you're mailing to a residence file (addresses but no names), be creative. It may cost a few dollars more to change that line, but let your label say something about your message. And remember that humor is always a good way to get someone's attention (mortuaries and cemeteries excepted). If you're unsure of what to use on the first line of the address, try something off the wall, like "Hungry Person at" for a restaurant or "Desperate Car Owner" for an auto service shop. It's easy to improve on OCCUPANT once you ignite your creative sparks. And you'll be rewarded by making lots more sales.